The Stories We Tell Them
In this solo episode, I dive deep into the powerful and often unnoticed impact of the stories we tell about others—especially as leaders. Over the years, I’ve developed a methodology called the Confidence Method, which helps individuals identify the sources of their fear, doubt, and insecurity, and transform their beliefs into something positive and empowering. But today, I want to explore a new angle.
It's not just about the stories we tell ourselves or the ones told to us about ourselves. There’s a third story—the stories we tell others about who they are.
As leaders, our words carry immense weight. As parents, as coaches, as managers, and as partners, the way we communicate has a lasting impact on others. Every time we speak into someone’s performance, identity, or character, we plant a seed—a narrative they might carry with them for years to come. And the sad reality is, they often remember what we say long after we’ve forgotten it.
The Impact of Our Words
It’s easy to underestimate the power of a casual comment or throwaway line, but it matters. The feedback, praise, or critique we give (even unknowingly) shapes someone’s self-perception. These seemingly small moments—whether positive or negative—create stories that others believe about themselves. And when those stories become internalized, they guide their actions and self-worth.
I want you to pause and think: What stories are you telling your team? How about your kids, your partners, or your friends? Every time you speak into their character, you’re influencing their view of themselves—whether you intend to or not.
The Stories Told to Us
I want to remind you: this isn’t just about what we tell others—it’s about recognizing the stories that were told to us about who we are. These stories have shaped us in ways we sometimes don't even realize. The Confidence Method helps us uncover these narratives, but today, I’m challenging you to consider what narratives you're writing for others, especially as a leader.
We all know how powerful it is to be told something positive about ourselves—it boosts our confidence, reaffirms our potential, and pushes us to achieve more. But the opposite is just as true. Negative comments, even if we dismiss them in the moment, can linger for years, shaping our self-image in a negative light.
Casual Conversations Matter
I want to be clear: I’m not suggesting we avoid giving feedback or accountability. That’s an essential part of leadership. What I am encouraging is intentionality. How do we ensure that our feedback, comments, and praise shape the person we want to lead, not in a way that leaves them feeling diminished?
Even the smallest interactions matter. A facial expression in a meeting, being on your phone while someone speaks, or a rush job email can all unintentionally shape the way someone sees themselves. These actions speak louder than words, and they contribute to the ongoing narrative about their identity.
How Are You Shaping Identity?
As leaders, we shape identity every day. Our words can either reflect someone’s true potential or hide it behind layers of doubt and confusion. Every interaction—whether it's a casual hallway chat or a formal meeting—adds to the story of who they think they are. So, I want you to consider: When is the last time you told someone exactly what you saw in them? Not just their performance, but their value. When’s the last time you shared what you truly believe about their potential?
It’s crucial that we not only hold people accountable but do so in a way that aligns with what we believe to be true about them. We need to be strategic in how we use our words to build people up rather than inadvertently reinforcing their doubts or limitations.
Shaping a Life of Confidence
As I wrap up, I want to remind you of one thing: The stories we hear about ourselves can shape everything we do. And the stories we tell others about themselves have the same impact. So as leaders, we must be intentional with our words. Let’s think about how we’re shaping others’ stories and ensuring that we are lifting them up, not inadvertently creating narratives of limitation.
If this message resonated with you, I encourage you to think about how you’re leading your team, your family, and the people in your life. Are you shaping them with intentionality? Are you allowing room for them to see their potential, even when they don’t believe it themselves?
Final Thoughts & Invitation
If you’ve been thinking about how you’re telling stories in your leadership and personal life, I want to encourage you to go deeper. Ask yourself: What stories am I telling those around me? How can I be more strategic and human with the words I choose to shape their confidence?
If you want to dive deeper into these concepts, I invite you to join me for my free monthly leadership workshop where we discuss how to lead with clarity, confidence, and intention. You can register for free at rockygarza.com/confidence. I'd love to have you join me and your team as we continue this journey of intentional leadership.
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