The Unseen Struggles of Leadership with Paige

Written By Rocky Garza

Every great leader I admire has something they’re still working through—something real, unresolved, and unseen by others. Today, I want to take you beyond the polished public image to explore the struggles, questions, and breakthroughs that happen behind closed doors. This episode is about the leadership you rarely get to see—the parts they don’t always show. If what you hear today resonates with you, stick around until the end for details on our monthly leadership training designed to help you grow.

Guest Introduction

EAT. SLEEP. PARTY. REPEAT. That was the mantra for Paige Chenault Lohoefer—and for good reason. As a former wedding planner with nearly a decade of experience, Paige knew how to throw a celebration to remember. Armed with a coveted black book of party vendors and a knack for creating unforgettable moments, she turned her talent toward a new kind of guest of honor: children experiencing homelessness.

In 2012, she founded The Birthday Party Project (TBPP)—a nonprofit that brings JOY through the magic of birthday celebrations. What began as a simple idea has grown into a national movement. Over the last 13 years, TBPP has expanded to 20 cities, celebrated more than 78,000 children, and mobilized nearly 38,000 volunteers—known lovingly as Birthday Enthusiasts.

While Paige has transitioned out of the day-to-day leadership at TBPP, she remains its passionate Chief Storyteller and biggest champion. Her heart still beats for community, but these days her focus has shifted to helping others build bold, beautiful organizations from the inside out.

Paige is deeply committed to aligning vision with values, purpose with brand, and systems with culture. Whether she’s consulting on a campaign, clarifying messaging, or guiding a team through change, Paige is at her best when she’s bringing big ideas to life and creating meaningful spaces where people feel seen, known, and celebrated.

Her work has been featured by the TODAY Show, New York Times, The World According to Jeff Goldblum, Glamour Magazine, ABC World News Tonight, and more. She delivered a TEDx talk in 2016 and continues to speak on brave leadership, intentional culture, and finding JOY in the everyday.

Paige believes that people matter most—and that the right invitation can change everything.

Key Takeaways

  • Leadership is never finished. Even the most successful leaders wrestle with challenges that are still unfolding and roles that keep evolving.

  • Letting go is hard. Stepping away from the day-to-day decision making is often way more difficult than I expected.

  • Responsibility versus accountability: It’s crucial to know what you’re responsible for, what you’re accountable to, and what you’re choosing to take on.

  • Ego and security play a huge role. Holding onto control often comes from a need for security, belonging, and relevance.

  • Trusting others takes practice. It’s natural to fear what might happen when we delegate, but giving space is how others grow and solve problems.

  • Belonging versus being wanted: Being relevant doesn’t always feel like being wanted—but true collaboration needs both.

Deep Dive: The Leadership Transition Struggle

Paige opened up about how hard it’s been to “let go” after bringing in a capable CEO and stepping back from the primary decision-making role. She talked about the heavy feeling of still being responsible for outcomes, even though she’s no longer in control. We also discussed the struggle of trusting others’ decisions while still wanting those decisions to align with the mission she built. Sometimes, taking on responsibility is a choice—and it can become a burden we don’t actually need.

The Three Categories of Leadership Ownership

  • Things I’m responsible for—tasks only I can handle, and if I don’t do them, it’s detrimental.

  • Things I’m accountable for—even if I’m not involved day to day, the buck stops with me.

  • Things I’ve willfully chosen to take on, even if they weren’t assigned or necessary.

The Ego, Security, and Belonging Behind Control

Paige and I talked about the ego tied to leadership—the drive to find solutions and control outcomes that feels like a source of security. The problem-solving that happens too fast can rob the team of space to grow. It’s a tension between knowing your stuff and trusting others to contribute fully. And underneath it all is the need to feel relevant, wanted, and like you have a place to belong—that’s what keeps us so deeply involved sometimes.

Key Quotes

  • “Every great leader I admire, no matter how much success they show, has something they’re still working through.”

  • “Stepping out of the decision-maker role has been way harder than I imagined.”

  • “I find myself pausing, conflicted about what’s mine to do and what’s not.”

  • “Sometimes I don’t even allow someone else’s voice because I’m terrified it will take too long or the outcome won’t be what I want.”

  • “I work really hard to create places where people belong. That’s exactly it for me—is there space for me?”

  • “What if I could be relevant and wanted? That would be amazing.”

Resources Mentioned

Rocky Garza
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